The Return of Big Mojo

How to reclaim your mojo: step by step

‘IT’S TIME FOR THE FUCKING REDEMPTION TOUR!’ That’s what I tell myself. ‘MAXIMUM EFFORT!!’ Thanks, Deadpool.

Perhaps a natural consequence of fading pain and rising hope. ‘It’s not working. Something just isn’t working’. The all-encompassing desire to reclaim that which was mine. The succubus entrenching every quark, every string inside me with the desire to blast off at Mach 10. All of it must be returned, now.

"Oh my god. I've lost my Mojo!" - Austin Powers

‘What the fuck are you talking about’, the reader asks. As the ebb fades and the flow returns, the dreamer dreams as though possessing infinite sands from the Sandman himself. It’s very easy to get seduced into an almost grandstanding plan of how we’re going to approach this next flow. Our thoughts can look anything like:

• I can’t believe I wasted so much time being depressed when I could have been productive

• I have so much time to make up for

• I’ve fallen so far behind

• Imagine where I could be if I didn’t have to deal with ebbs

All mainly representing similar feelings of ‘time anxiety’. Time’s our most precious commodity. It’s a really challenging position to be in. I constantly romanticize the hypothetical Nur Nadar who did not have mental health struggles. Instead of wasting time with anxieties, depressions, whatever, I could have been achieving and succeeding. Now, this naturally springs from an overachieving perfectionist mindset. It’s challenging to reconcile it. ‘No, but seriously, where the hell are you going with this?’. Well, reader, I’m talking about the steps to get our mojo back, baby.

What is mojo and why do we want it back?

"If you pick Mojo to be your guide, I will shower you with precious gifts and things." - Mojo Jojo

Mojo is that ineffable sense of energy, passion, enthusiasm, drive, and confidence to get things done, improve, and succeed. Unfortunately, we almost always lose it when we’re ‘in a rut’. Ideally, it’d eventually return with a vengeance. Most of the time, however, it won’t get there without a push. When we’re in a rut, effort and action is the last thing on our minds. It’s much easier to sit around and wait to ‘feel motivated’.

‘Guess I got my swagger back, true.’ - Jay-Z

Action begets action, period. There’s a poetic irony in the truth that sometimes, the things we want to do the least are the things that will benefit us the most.

When coming out of a rut, action feels like a herculean task. The challenge of escaping the comfort of what we allow during ruts (trash diet, no exercise, binge watching, bed and couch all day) is massive. Not only because we have to get our engines revving again, but also because it’s likely that there’s a sense of resistance in which we do not believe we deserve to improve.

It absolutely is a massively uphill battle in a time when that’s the last thing we feel capable of taking on. We may feel powerless, but we’re not. Well, how and where do we even begin? Luckily, I’m currently in this exact situation, so let’s take a look at my methods thus far.

Take Inventory

As I said above, my instincts scream at my soul to instantly return to full daily productivity mode. Light speed recovery, not coming right up. What I’ve learned to do to dampen that drive is to take inventory. When I’m in a rut, my mind is reminding me of all the ‘fuck ups’ and missed opportunities I’ve had in my life so far.

Although torturous in the moment, what it sets us up for is the ability to identify what it is we want the most. Perhaps the rumination focused on appearance or weight. Perhaps it focused on relationships, accomplishments or lack thereof, friendships, and so on. My list ultimately ended up looking something like this:

• I want a new job

• I don’t feel like I’m doing enough for exercise and I’m fucking tired of doing boxing every single day. I’m falling out of love and it’s becoming a drag

• I don’t feel as strong or confident as I used to

• I want new friends and to start dating again

• I want to start reading way more

• I want to return to journaling - general journaling, gratitude journaling, emotional exercise journaling

• I want to insert more peace into my life

• I want to start stretching more

As a testament to genuinely pacing ourselves, focus on only a few at a time or find ways to incorporate what you want into your life in different ways. Keep track of the efforts you’re making as it’s important to remind yourself that you’re actually doing the work and not just gazing at a distant dream.

Let’s look at my list. I’m already applying and interviewing, so bullet one is being worked on.

“While Mojo suggests any art that invokes supernatural powers, for us creators Mojovation means finding magic in what we do.” - Robert Genn

Let’s combine bullets two and three. I want to take a break from boxing yet want to feel strong and confident again. Physicality is a big part of that for me. Now, if I don’t have it in me to jump into something new, how can I adjust my current day to day to get those needs met? Well, I used to love rucking (weighted hiking). Also, I have to walk Bear three times a day whether I’m feeling it or not. So, I went ahead got some bags, some all-purpose sand, and made sand weights. I made three plates, 10lbs each, put them in my backpack and voila, my walks with Bear now provide an additional layer of enrichment.

As far as reading way more and stretching more, it’s considerably wiser to start with simpler, smaller time frames. Instead of stretching for at least 30 minutes, which was my past norm, I’ll ease back into it with five minutes a day in the morning until I’m ready to up the ante. I consider both reading and stretching as tremendously relaxing hobbies, making them consequently easy to pair up. After my five minutes of stretching, I’ll read at least five pages. I could even listen to an audio book while stretching.

The idea for all of this is to just ease back into the habits. Action begets action begets action begets action. If I was to map the process out, I’d see it as [ Action > Motivation > Action > Motivation > Action > Action > Motivation > Action > Action > Action> Motivation > Action > Motivation]. Sometimes I’ll feel motivated and sometimes it’ll be a complete reliance on discipline for longer stretches of time. That’s okay. The motivation does come back.

To round out the bullet points, let’s look at journaling. I have three types of journaling that I’m itching to reintegrate into my routine but instead of doing them all at once, like my impatient ass is dying to do, I’ll just start with writing down a few gratitudes before bed every night.

I find it to be incredibly important to start feeling strong and energetic in order to cook up the recipe for mojo madness, and these tiny steps are beautiful ways to get there.

What’s standing in your way? What are identifiable roadblocks that seem to be keeping you from attaining your goals?

The number of ways in which we self-sabotage without being aware of our actions is endless. Perhaps it’s an addiction to overstimulation that we refuse to acknowledge. Perhaps it’s an addiction to anger and outrage. Are you addicted to panic, anxiety, or sadness, but can’t face the truth of it?

All of those addictions I listed are ones that we get a lot out of. It’s incredibly challenging to open anyone else’s eyes to the fact that they might be addicted to these things. The addict always feels so unquestionably confident that they are right in feeling the way that they do. When someone is intoxicated by their sense of righteousness, it becomes an impossible task to try to reason with them that they may be getting something ‘positive’ out of that which seduces them to the dark side. Unfortunately, healing is awfully difficult when we refuse to see how something so awful like depression may be ‘helping’ us in one way or another. Let’s look at a bit of an extreme example:

I grew up with a kid we’ll call Jameson. From childhood up into his thirties, he was always nervous and pulsating with anxiety. It never once occurred to me that there was anything deeper going on. It just seemed like he struggled severely with social and general anxiety. I remember a very specific moment where he told me about some of the things he daydreams about, and I had a very strong epiphany.

Jameson was the way he was because he’s a covert narcissist. He had a very strong sense of entitlement and a deeply ingrained belief that he was better than everyone else. He was obsessed with riches, while having none, and believed he deserved to have a European princess show up out of nowhere and marry him, with zero justification as to why this would ever happen.

How does this relate to nervousness and anxiety? Well, it stands to reason that if you believe you are the equivalent of a god in mortal flesh, everyone you meet, converse with, whatever, has the ability to provide the feedback that that’s not the case. Anything, whether through conversation or activity, that proves that Jameson is indeed not a demi-god, will shatter his internal reality. It’s too much of a threat. Therefore, it’s far safer to keep to himself and avoid any situation that could humble him. Heaven forbid a demi-god be rejected.

Trust me, it isn’t that the person is consciously manipulating everyone (although that sometimes is the case) or even aware of the deeper reasons for their behavior, it’s just that the person’s nervous system has learned how to protect his grandiose ego over the years.

Notice all the ‘I want’ and ‘I don’t feel’ in my bullet point inventory above? It’s funny to me how self-centered I become when depressed. The bigger the ego, the bigger the downfall. That may as well be a universal truth at this point. Depression and anxiety are so deeply rooted in ‘me me me I I I’. Sometimes we really need to ask how our so called ‘negative emotions’ are actually serving us.

Do we perhaps get extra attention and doted upon while depressed? Does our anxiety alert us about potential situations in which we’ll feel more anxiety, thus creating a feedback loop in which we become anxious over feeling anxious, thereby enticing us to hold to comfort as if for dear life? Longest sentence ever, yeesh, but bear with me now.

How do we figure all this out? Well, it certainly takes a deep dive through meditation, journaling, therapy and so on. A not so singular approach would be to ask other people. Ask someone really close to you exactly what they think about you. What they think your strengths and weaknesses are, what they think your self-inflicted obstacles are, what they think you could be doing differently, and so on. It’s important to pick someone you trust completely and who you don’t feel will use this moment against you in any form. Furthermore, you can try to deduce what you project onto people. We usually project what we resist within ourselves, whether it’s a strength or weakness.

Take full ownership of your shit. I say this often and I’ll say it again: your mental health isn’t your fault, but it is your responsibility. The fun part about that is: no one really gives a shit. No one is going to assume your trauma and carry you to where you want to be. No one is going to stick their fingers in your brain and rewire it for you. It sucks and it’s hard, but you have to take full ownership of your shit. Visualize what it’d be like to shift from ‘oh no, no one cares :(‘to ‘fuck yeah, no one cares so I can do whatever the hell I want’.

Get yourself out there

This is the greatest picture of all time

"You've had your Mojo all along. You've defeated Dr. Evil, you've saved the world. And believe me, you're gonna get the girl." - Felicity Shagwell

Once we feel like we’re getting in the groove of things again and feel confident in our progress, it’s about time to get ourselves out there. People cite countless reasons for not wanting to go meet new friends or get out there and start dating. Reasons such as: I’m not ready, I need to heal all my shit before I date, my mental health has to be perfect to meet new friends, etc. etc. etc. It’s noble, maybe, but it’s bullshit. They’re just more lies we tell ourselves to keep ourselves stuck.

Relationships, platonic and non, are some of the best teachers. They teach us so much about ourselves that I struggle to come up with a comparable teacher. Perhaps a hallucinogenic can teach as quickly as relationships do, but that’s a different story for a different newsletter.

You don’t even have to rely on dating apps or friendship apps or whatever the hell is out there now. I haven’t used them in a long while, but that hasn’t really slowed me down. Bars are easy, sure, but look up public meetups for hobbies you’re interested in. My friends and I have met more people through meetups, and, admittedly, bars, than we ever have through any other methods. It’s refreshing and it’s extremely easy to break the ice when you’re all there for the same reason. At a rock-climbing event? Just go up to the person you want to talk to and yell enthusiastically ‘SO TELL ME, YA LIKE ROCKS?’. Who cares, just do it.

Getting your mojo back is a combination of identifying your goals, taking action little by little, addressing the deeper shit on a psychological level, and then putting yourself out there. You’ll be the belle of the ball in no time.

While we’re on the topic of relationships, make a note of people you may have met and allowed into your life while depressed/in a rut/whatever. Take time to really think through how that person has been affecting your life so far. If it’s been a positive influence and you can say that with ease, then no problem! If you have your doubts, however, it’s worth taking them seriously. When in low states of being, we’re more likely to let insidious people into our lives. It’s worth attempting to identify who that might be and removing them from our lives as quickly as possible and ideally before they can cause any harm.

---

What do you do when you feel a lack of mojo in your life? How do you go about reclaiming your passion, drive, and lust for life? Let me know in the comments below!

---