I'm so sorry that you had to go through that Nur. It must have been hard. I'm so happy that you could overcome that phase. Please don't compare yourself to others. I know it's easier said than done. But I can relate, that's why I'm telling you this. I'm not pitying you, please note that. Cause I know that you Do Not want pity. I lost my dad when I was 11. It was the darkest time of my life. I got to know who people really are. My mom was the only strength I had. So I can relate to your loss.
Thank you for sharing your story with us! You have to remind yourself how accepted you are in Substack community. We all love you as a great creator. Doesn't matter that we don't know you apart from Substack. You have a very loving family here in Substack! And we'll always be there for you.
Hope you feel better Nur<3
Ps: Don't worry you and Bear are still the 'goodest boys' 💕and Bear is one of the most precious boys I've ever seen ✨
Thank you for the kind words, Izel. I'm in a good place now and love the substack community as well. I'm sorry you had to deal with that at such a young age. I couldn't even imagine
Your article has resonated with me on so many levels. It seems like I was your age about 5 minutes ago, but somehow it was 2 decades ago. It goes so fast. In a blink!
I'm sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I had multiple losses as well last year that let me on a journey too and let me to substack and to writing again after many years. I like the positivity journal idea. I have so much negativity in my mind it's time to refill with positive thoughts and what better way than for most of us is to write it. I know change isn't linear, that's what I remind myself
Thanks for sharing, Jane! Yeah it's tough to remember the non-linear growth part at times. Especially when we've been working our butts off for something
Beautifully written Nur. Regarding the comparison monster...if the Buddhists are right and the concept of our separate independent self is illusory, then for sure the comparison monster is illusory. Aways created and well fed by our fears. There are always people better at things than I am, except of course at being me, however illusory :) It took me longer than I choose to admit in writing to relax and do what I enjoy to the best of my ability. Comparison with others is a good learning tool, but a terrible measure of value. Learn from others, don't try to be them I say. Last word...I learned that when I saw my comparison monster sneak out from under the bed, I would smile at him and say..."g'day...your loosing weight you know" :)
Thanks so much for saying this, Iain - and doing so so poignantly I should add.. I really appreciate the Buddhist perspective as it is one I've been more interested in revisiting .
I studied Philosophy in school and had a pretty nice shift into eastern religion via Alan Watts and ultimately to buddhism with Daisuke Suzuki.
Any book recommendations are highly appreciated :D
I have of late enjoyed books and talks by Rupert Spira. Not Buddhist but explores a non-dual perspective. Daniel P. Brown writes deeply on all things Buddhism (eg: Pointing Out - The Great Way). None of his stuff is a light read by any means. Tara Brach writes beautifully, though her perspective is Buddhist her way of presenting it is Mindfulness mostly.
This letter is lovely - and authentically written - but also spoken! Listening to your (wow, quite soothing and entertaining alike) voice in combination with the creative illustrations of you and the best fluff boy there is just makes Humbling the Narcissist even more unique.
That's such an open and honest share - must have taken some deep breaths to hit the 'send' button I guess. I agree everyone has these tough times and we naturally look around and compare. I think you give a good framework to get out of this. I think #1 is crucial - when we look through the made up joy of most people's social media feeds and understand what is really likely to be going on (some good some bad a lot of mundane) it gets much easier. I enjoyed this piece and just subscribed.
"Sick and tired of being sick and tired" I have been there. Emotionally abused and neglected as a child. Still healing.
Comparison is like the neighbour next door to me. Though it has lessened its visit with the healing practices, it is there. It comes up at unexpected times. I used to completely drop down my ideas and work before. Now, I've learned to keep doing what I intended to do amidst the comparison noise. I even take a step ahead and appreciate the person who I'm comparing myself with. Makes me sort of feel good.
Beautifully said Shanjitha and thank you for sharing with me. I'm very glad to hear you're on a journey of healing and taking the steps that feel good for you
Your post is my first read of the morning - and I thank you for it. It is so difficult to share something so deeply personal and in a way that is moving, without asking for pity yet factual, without sounding cold. Compare yourself to no one, you have the ability to deliver powerful work!
The Comparison Monster hasn't knocked at my door yet, maybe he's just waiting in line behind all the other grim creatures that I've have to deal with before ousting them out of my life😊
You have described what I believe to be the mark of a successful life, not so much what we earn, what we own or the relationships we form, but rather how we grow into ourselves. How we, eventually, learn to love and let go and yes, be grateful for every life experience (even the shit ones).
Give yourself a huge pat on the back, my friend, this post really hit the mark.
I believe you mentioned moving back home to Boston at one point. I’m from the Boston area too, north shore, and really resonated with your most recent authentic post. I’m currently dragging myself out of something similar and have just started on here. It’s exciting. Subscribed.
The gratitude thing is so true. There have been studies done to demonstrate that even consciously practicing gratitude for one day had a positive impact on a group of test subjects up to three months later when compared to a control group of test subjects who had similar levels of life satisfaction. It literally helps to rewire the brain.
I’m sorry for your losses, grief is a hell of a thing to go through and it never presents itself the same way twice. As for the lay-offs, I felt that on a cellular level. I lost my previous job earlier this year and found it much harder to process than I thought I would. Your progress on working on yourself is admirable. 💚
Yeah gratitude is truly miraculous as far as I'm concerned. I'm really sorry that you had to go through that! It's considered one of the most challenging things we have to deal with for a reason (job loss)! that feeling of insecurity for not knowing if you'll be able to provide for yourself financially paired with the feeling of not knowing when you'll be employed again is just agonizing
I absolutely love this piece!! Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your losses. It must not have been easy. I'm just glad you're able to make the most of it and continue along! Keep going!
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that Nur. It must have been hard. I'm so happy that you could overcome that phase. Please don't compare yourself to others. I know it's easier said than done. But I can relate, that's why I'm telling you this. I'm not pitying you, please note that. Cause I know that you Do Not want pity. I lost my dad when I was 11. It was the darkest time of my life. I got to know who people really are. My mom was the only strength I had. So I can relate to your loss.
Thank you for sharing your story with us! You have to remind yourself how accepted you are in Substack community. We all love you as a great creator. Doesn't matter that we don't know you apart from Substack. You have a very loving family here in Substack! And we'll always be there for you.
Hope you feel better Nur<3
Ps: Don't worry you and Bear are still the 'goodest boys' 💕and Bear is one of the most precious boys I've ever seen ✨
Thank you for the kind words, Izel. I'm in a good place now and love the substack community as well. I'm sorry you had to deal with that at such a young age. I couldn't even imagine
Your article has resonated with me on so many levels. It seems like I was your age about 5 minutes ago, but somehow it was 2 decades ago. It goes so fast. In a blink!
I'm sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I had multiple losses as well last year that let me on a journey too and let me to substack and to writing again after many years. I like the positivity journal idea. I have so much negativity in my mind it's time to refill with positive thoughts and what better way than for most of us is to write it. I know change isn't linear, that's what I remind myself
Thanks for sharing, Jane! Yeah it's tough to remember the non-linear growth part at times. Especially when we've been working our butts off for something
I could have written this, including the part where you turned into a bitter shell of yourself. Glad you got out of it, and thanks for sharing 🙏
Thanks Maggie! I'm glad to hear it's even more universal than I thought it would be
Across nationalities and genders and everything 😉
Beautifully written Nur. Regarding the comparison monster...if the Buddhists are right and the concept of our separate independent self is illusory, then for sure the comparison monster is illusory. Aways created and well fed by our fears. There are always people better at things than I am, except of course at being me, however illusory :) It took me longer than I choose to admit in writing to relax and do what I enjoy to the best of my ability. Comparison with others is a good learning tool, but a terrible measure of value. Learn from others, don't try to be them I say. Last word...I learned that when I saw my comparison monster sneak out from under the bed, I would smile at him and say..."g'day...your loosing weight you know" :)
Thanks so much for saying this, Iain - and doing so so poignantly I should add.. I really appreciate the Buddhist perspective as it is one I've been more interested in revisiting .
I studied Philosophy in school and had a pretty nice shift into eastern religion via Alan Watts and ultimately to buddhism with Daisuke Suzuki.
Any book recommendations are highly appreciated :D
I have of late enjoyed books and talks by Rupert Spira. Not Buddhist but explores a non-dual perspective. Daniel P. Brown writes deeply on all things Buddhism (eg: Pointing Out - The Great Way). None of his stuff is a light read by any means. Tara Brach writes beautifully, though her perspective is Buddhist her way of presenting it is Mindfulness mostly.
Thanks for the recommendations Ian! I'll definitely be checking them out and reporting back
Losing weight !! I love it, Ian.
Absolutely loved the voice over! You have the perfect voice over voice 😄
Loved the article, thank you Nur!
Thank you Marie! I'll have to keep doing them now
This letter is lovely - and authentically written - but also spoken! Listening to your (wow, quite soothing and entertaining alike) voice in combination with the creative illustrations of you and the best fluff boy there is just makes Humbling the Narcissist even more unique.
Looking forward to hearing more of it!
Thank you so much for saying so, Fabienne! I wasn't so sold on the voice over aspect of it but with feedback like yours, I have to continue!
That's such an open and honest share - must have taken some deep breaths to hit the 'send' button I guess. I agree everyone has these tough times and we naturally look around and compare. I think you give a good framework to get out of this. I think #1 is crucial - when we look through the made up joy of most people's social media feeds and understand what is really likely to be going on (some good some bad a lot of mundane) it gets much easier. I enjoyed this piece and just subscribed.
Glad to have you aboard! Yeah, it's definitely harder to publish something like this, that's for sure.
"Sick and tired of being sick and tired" I have been there. Emotionally abused and neglected as a child. Still healing.
Comparison is like the neighbour next door to me. Though it has lessened its visit with the healing practices, it is there. It comes up at unexpected times. I used to completely drop down my ideas and work before. Now, I've learned to keep doing what I intended to do amidst the comparison noise. I even take a step ahead and appreciate the person who I'm comparing myself with. Makes me sort of feel good.
Beautifully said Shanjitha and thank you for sharing with me. I'm very glad to hear you're on a journey of healing and taking the steps that feel good for you
Your post is my first read of the morning - and I thank you for it. It is so difficult to share something so deeply personal and in a way that is moving, without asking for pity yet factual, without sounding cold. Compare yourself to no one, you have the ability to deliver powerful work!
The Comparison Monster hasn't knocked at my door yet, maybe he's just waiting in line behind all the other grim creatures that I've have to deal with before ousting them out of my life😊
You have described what I believe to be the mark of a successful life, not so much what we earn, what we own or the relationships we form, but rather how we grow into ourselves. How we, eventually, learn to love and let go and yes, be grateful for every life experience (even the shit ones).
Give yourself a huge pat on the back, my friend, this post really hit the mark.
Thank you so much Remanon! Extremely kind words and they al mean more than you can imagine
Need more Wizard Doges in my posts
yes
I believe you mentioned moving back home to Boston at one point. I’m from the Boston area too, north shore, and really resonated with your most recent authentic post. I’m currently dragging myself out of something similar and have just started on here. It’s exciting. Subscribed.
Very cool! I'm from Winchester, MA so just outside of Boston. Used to date a girl from Rockport so was in the north shore a decent amount.
Welcome to both my page and substack! You'll love it here
Yep, I know the area for sure! Thanks for the warm welcome, I’m happy to be a part of your thread.
Have you met your shadow? Made friends?
The gratitude thing is so true. There have been studies done to demonstrate that even consciously practicing gratitude for one day had a positive impact on a group of test subjects up to three months later when compared to a control group of test subjects who had similar levels of life satisfaction. It literally helps to rewire the brain.
I’m sorry for your losses, grief is a hell of a thing to go through and it never presents itself the same way twice. As for the lay-offs, I felt that on a cellular level. I lost my previous job earlier this year and found it much harder to process than I thought I would. Your progress on working on yourself is admirable. 💚
Yeah gratitude is truly miraculous as far as I'm concerned. I'm really sorry that you had to go through that! It's considered one of the most challenging things we have to deal with for a reason (job loss)! that feeling of insecurity for not knowing if you'll be able to provide for yourself financially paired with the feeling of not knowing when you'll be employed again is just agonizing
I absolutely love this piece!! Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your losses. It must not have been easy. I'm just glad you're able to make the most of it and continue along! Keep going!
Glad you are flipping the story Nur. That life, happened for you!
This letter is an honest piece of writing, with such depth and meaning delivered with ease. Thanks for sharing; it's truly needed in these times.