We're so back!

The future of this newsletter: Reaching new heights whilst accepting limitations.

How it felt to be trapped in what I call ‘Creative Purgatory’.

We strive to do it all. I certainly do, anyways. Unsurprisingly, that shit rarely works out. Recently, I took on a short-term consulting gig that ended up lasting around four months. It was incredible to see how easy it was to suddenly ‘not have time’ for anything. What a convenient excuse it was. Consistent weekly newsletter? Can’t do it — no time! Weekly WoofStack? Fuggetaboutit. I made sure work and the gym were solid and used that as a justification to let the rest fall to the wayside. I knew I was full of shit, though. I had plenty of time for what I had to get done; I simply chose not to. Would I admit that at the time? I doubt it, but the bullshit is beyond obvious in retrospect. Was this making me happy? Of course not. There was always a gnawing in the back of my mind telling me that I’m not doing what I need to be doing. I’m not working towards my destiny.

As much as I have taken responsibility for my actions and prepared to rocket off into grander heights, it was easy to forget that personal accountability isn’t synonymous with personal blame. It’s easy to say ‘I should have done this, I should have done that’ ‘I’m such an idiot’ ‘insert self-lashing here’. It’s much more challenging to embrace saying ‘I did my best with what I could. Blame is unnecessary but it’s my responsibility to move forward to greater things’. If I was to lockdown what the pattern was that kept me from thriving in the way that I wanted to, I’d simply say: I was being incongruent.

The hell is that about? Well, a state of congruence for me is when my thoughts, feelings, and actions are aligned. For instance, I was watching Squid Game the other day. I like to bang out my stretching routine with a show on in the background, but sometimes I get a little too absorbed. Every single time that happens, my feelings are flooded with tension and my thoughts are bombarded by: ‘dude, stretch, you can still watch it, get down on the floor’. My action in the moment was to just watch TV. Completely entranced by Thanos and his shock of purple hair, koreanglish, and his drug-induced flip flopping between evil and a state of child-like wonder, yet my thoughts were like a woodpecker just smacking away at the back of my brain. The simple act of getting down and starting instantly caused a wave of relief and pleasure to wash over me.

I’d also point to how easy it is for me to shift into a mode of abnegating. To abnegate is to reject something of value, and what I was abnegating was the discipline and sense of personal responsibility required to both get what I want out of this life and be the person I want to be. I write this as both an admission as well as a method of examining why I fall into patterns of working against my own interests.

Aside from falling victim to my own abnegations, I’d also begun to feel as though I’d unwittingly pigeonholed myself. My essays took on the following pattern: Here’s a story from my past, here’s how it affected me, and here’s what I did about it. I’m absolutely still going to write personal essays of that sort, but I don’t want to feel like that’s something I HAVE to do. It’s a bit of a bizarre mental prison I locked myself in. There was zero external force suggesting that I had to stay in this niche, but it significantly drained the passion I had towards writing. Moving forward, I’m going to write whatever I feel like writing about. In fact, I already have not only five newsletters in the pipeline, but also an exciting new project I’ve been working on: the Casually Copacetic video podcast. I’ll be interviewing folks, primarily up and coming creatives, who are paving their own way and putting in the work to live the kind of life they’ve always dreamed of. I have three amazing guests planned for us and I’ll be sending out a newsletter introducing the three of them very soon. I may even be integrating WoofStack into this newsletter, but that’s yet to be seen (you have the option to opt out of specific sections of a newsletter, so no worries there if it isn’t something you’re interested in).

“What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” - Mary Oliver

My love for this shit is back in full force and I can’t wait to share all I’ve been cooking up with y’all. Here’s a sneak peek of some of the upcoming newsletters:

• A recap of my experience on Substack so far, including tips and tricks to help your newsletter blossom.

• What it’s been like to start and lead a weekly men’s group and how that came to fruition.

• Hiking and how it’s played a significant part in shaping the person I am today.

I will leave y’all with a picture of me cheesing to the future. With much love and excitement,

Nur