Do the things you don't want to do

Five benefits of leaning into the muck and the uncertainty.

We have to do the things we don’t want to do.

That’s just the reality of the life we’re living. There’s also plenty of things we want to do that we ought not do.

When it comes to writing and launching a project such as this one, its often thought that its just something that comes naturally and effortlessly to us. I’ve personally written for decades due to a need to express myself through written word. That certainly doesn’t mean its effortless.

The reality of it is that there’s always going to be an aspect of it that requires the grit to grind out the work. I love writing, but I don’t always want to sit down and face the anxieties and doubts that come as part of the process. I love people, but I don’t always want to network and advertise my work.

When I’ve abandoned projects in the past, its always because when the excitement, adrenaline, novelty, and fun ran their course and I’d find myself left with the tedious things I didn’t want to do, I would quickly burn out.

The regrets were always the same after that: ‘If I’d only have… why didn’t I stick with it… next time I’ll do xyz…’ but its ultimately always about the parts that I don’t want to do and quite frankly don’t HAVE to do.

I don’t have to launch a successful writing career and a successful brand. There’s nothing actively stopping me from hitting my day job then coming home and eating Cheetos while bingeing shows endlessly. There’s nothing actively stopping me from playing video games all night.

So, how did I finally release myself from the self destructive and soul draining cycle of starting goal after goal, project after project, only to abandon them when the going got tough? Well, these two absolute goofs showed up in my life.

I’m going to go into more detail about my journey of raising two high energy Samoyed puppies in the middle of New York City in a different issue but what I will say is that they did a fantastic job of forcing me to become astonishingly better at tackling the tasks I didn’t want to do.

Did I want to get bundled up, take the elevator down 55 floors and deal with hordes of people multiple times every single day with very rowdy, stubborn and still in-training puppies? Absolutely not, but what choice do I have when I look down and see literal puppy eyes staring at me begging me to go outside? Well, I could have let them destroy the apartment, but the cost-benefit analysis favored me facing my internal resistance instead.

As the days went on, I noticed that it seemed a bit easier and easier every following day. That’s not that noteworthy. Repetition makes us better at a specific action. We know this.

What I didn’t realize was that I was actively becoming better and better at doing the things I didn’t want to do. My seven part skin care routine was suddenly being done every night without fail. Sticking to my exercise routines and diet became a breeze. I’m not going to say I was doing all these things with a magnificent smile on my face, the initial resistance never seems to go away, but the evidence was clear – they were getting done!

Being the voraciously curious person that I am, I left no Google search result left blue. Surprise, surprise – It turns out that there’s a region of the brain called the anterior midcingulate cortex (aMCC moving forward) that actively grows as we practice higher level functions. Willpower, tenacity, resillience, impulse control, grit – repeatedly practicing these character traits grows the aMCC and makes you consistently better at working through those more undesirable efforts.

As a result of pushing myself consistently to do the things I don’t want to do and actively chase opportunities to further train this muscle, I’ve noticed the following:

1. Increased Self Esteem

It stands to reason that when we push ourselves to accomplish challenging goals, we’ll feel better about our lives and our personal growth. There’s something very rewarding in a way unlike any other when we go through the muck and find ourselves reaching milestone after milestone.

2. Increased Resilience

It is FAR easier to take the punches and get back up when we fall if we just stick to something and make it out on the other side.

Once we push through those obstacles and drag ourselves up to the top of the mountain, its much easier to understand, stick to, and fall in love with the process. I’d argue that the main enemy of resilience is uncertainty and although we’ll never live of a life of complete certainty, sifting through the shroud of uncertainty and triumphing over all of the doubts makes it that much easier to do so in our future endeavors. Also, as mentioned above, the brain is physically molding itself to aid us in our journey.

3. Increased Discipline

Once you feel the profoundly fulfilling feeling of leaning into the muck and succeeding, it becomes easier to prioritize instant gratification for deeper, more meaningful work.

This isn’t to say that we should forego all pleasure, all things in moderation, but instant gratification always ends up being fleeting and sometimes even detrimental to the goal at hand whereas the deeper work feeds our souls and grows our character in a way that instant gratification never could.

4. Better emotional regulation

I’ll continue to stress this over and over – doing the work can be challenging, defeating, draining and quite honestly, a pain in the ass. I love repeating this because its so often that we’ll come across dishonest snake oil salesmen or wannabe gurus that try to peddle their nonsense by emphasizing ease.

That’s just not how it works. On the plus side, one thing that wrestling with these emotions to consistently move forward makes us much better at day to day emotional regulation. Also, the tasks we do to reach our goals – whether that be writing, exercising, lifting heavy, painting for hours, meditating, whatever – help us feel better in their own ways.

The anxiety gets progressively turned down bit after bit, the fogginess seems to slowly clear up, we begin to stand a little taller, and see a little clearer. Its absolutely worth every second of effort.

5. A better sense of community and belonging

The universe loves to help those who help themselves.

It just does and one way it does that is through opening up boundless communities for us. While raising the puppies, I was introduced to dog person after dog person after dog person who wanted to set up play dates, help with any advice, and check in on whether or not I was battling ‘the puppy blues’.

With exercising, whether its cycling, boxing, or lifting weights, there’s a plethora of social media pages, websites, and fellow trainees that become available so that we can aid each other in hitting the next level. I’ve also noticed opportunities appearing and certain coincidences occurring that ended up changing my life tremendously.

Take the small steps. Find the right community. Chase the opportunities you’ve only dreamed of all your life. This week I’m signing off with a passage from the book Discipline Equals Freedom by Jocko Willink that has helped me tremendously in times when I most needed it:

“The whole time you are waiting to take that action . . “Is like a phantasma or a hideous dream. .” is like an evil spectre, an apparition—a nightmare.

So the battle, the struggle—the hesitation—takes place in that moment.

That moment, when we must step into the unknown—that moment filled with fear and horror.

And that fear is what causes hesitation—and hesitation causes defeat.

HESITATION IS THE ENEMY.

Hesitation allows the moment to pass, the opportunity to be lost, the enemy to get the upper hand. Hesitation turns into cowardice. It stops us from moving forward, from taking initiative, from executing what we know we must.

Hesitation defeats us. So we must defeat it.

To win, all you have to do is overcome that moment: The Waiting. The Hesitation. And to do that, all you have to do is: Go. Move. Take the action. Get out of bed. Get your feet on the ground. Step forward.”