Creative Vulnerability Redux

Struggle From The Heart And Do It Anyway: Part 2

Horrified. That’s the only word I can think of to describe how putting my work out there feels. Funny enough, every person I’ve talked to who undergoes the creative process feels the exact same way. It’s certainly quite an accomplishment in my eyes when I see my friends undergoing it and proudly portraying their work to the outside world.

Frankly, I believe that everyone has a hidden dream. Unfortunately, a minuscule amount of people end up following it. Why? Bluntly, whether it’s following your passion, attempting a career out of it or starting your own business, you are entering arguably the most vulnerable state you can experience. You’re bearing your heart and soul into a project that takes an astounding amount of work to the outside world. You’re opening yourself up to the highest potential of judgment and failure, and self-doubt can absolutely take over.

When I first had my work published years ago, I received so much praise and attention. It felt incredible. I’d finally got my work out there and it was killing it. Then I released another piece and made absolutely sure that it was better than the last. Then another which, you guessed it, absolutely had to be better than the last. Aaaaannd that’s where I found myself completely paralyzed. I didn’t know if I could keep topping my previous work. I didn’t even know if I could come up with ideas for future works (P.S There’s an article I wrote coming to this Substack soon on mastering the idea machine in your brain. I can’t wait for you to read it). The competition from that Nur fellow was mighty fierce and I was afraid I couldn’t keep up. So, I stopped. Did each subsequent piece have to be better than the previous one? Absolutely not. It was one thing for me to challenge myself but an entirely different one to operate under such a stringent internalized rule. I continued to write by hand every single day but I gave up on the idea of putting the work out there and seeing where it’d go. As time went on and the stakes began to seem increasingly sillier, I returned with a far healthier approach and mindset and I couldn’t be happier for it.

It’s frightening but absolutely worth it.

I couldn’t imagine a life lived without at least giving it a shot.

Its generally accepted that the force that stops us is known as Resistance and that it stems from a fear of failure. Lets explore it a bit deeper than that. Resistance is the force that strikes you with anxiety and makes you feel physically weighed down when you start thinking about picking up that pen, that brush, that microphone. Its the voice that tells you repeatedly that your pursuit is a waste of time and guaranteed to fail. Its the self sabotage, the self doubt, the wretched fear of failure. “Who the hell would give enough of a damn to read what I write? Why even publish this? To experience deep failure? Why would I do that to myself?”

Why does this happen, though? Why do we encounter all this internalized warfare when we’re moving towards our creative future? As creatives, a massive part of us tends to strongly identify with whatever our particular talent or skill happens to be. We build careers and work day jobs that afford us certain freedoms and that’s life but I guarantee we’d be quicker to identify ourselves as a writer, a painter, a musician, or an entrepreneur than we would with whatever our day job is. Now, if I don’t write and I don’t put my work out there, I can continue to cling onto my internal identity as a writer without running the risk of facing brutal criticism and rejection. If you don’t put your stuff out there, you remove the risk of having your identity shattered. Certainly can’t fail if you never try. Instead, you can continue to comfort yourself with excuses like ‘Oh I’m a great writer but I just don’t put stuff out there’. Its a fancy delusion and I’d highly doubt one could be great at these pursuits without the feedback we so desperately need to help us grow.

Again, you’re bearing what, if avoided, would exist solely as a strongly kept secret; a reoccurring daydream. Why leave it at that? Why not dedicate a portion of your free time towards turning fantasy into reality and reaping the unimaginable internal reward?

Reframing our relationship with Resistance is one of the most profound favors you can do for yourself. The reality is that Resistance will never go away and it would behoove all of us to find our own ways to befriend and learn from it. The author Stephen Pressfield’s ideas on Resistance (in fact, he coined the term!) are by far and away both the most raw and the most inspiring takes I’ve had the pleasure of reading on the subject. For instance, in regards to reframing our relationship with resistance, he says:

• Here’s the good news: Resistance comes second. Resistance never appears alone. It comes only as a response to a vision, to a dream inside you and me. That dream is the book we want to write, the movie we want to make, the start-up we aim to get off the ground. If there were no dream, there would be no Resistance…In other words, if you find yourself experiencing intense Resistance, that’s a good sign. It means that inside you a dream is calling, demanding your participation in helping it to be brought into material being…In other words, if you find yourself experiencing intense Resistance, that’s a good sign. It means that inside you a dream is calling, demanding your participation in helping it to be brought into material being.

Its a call to arms. Its our creative souls begging us to embrace vulnerability and let out all the energy and expression we’ve been letting lie dormant out of fear.

It’s funny. Vulnerability frightens us so deeply; yet, as impressive as our accomplishments may be, it’s important to remember that no one is loved for their accomplishments. Achievements are absolutely admirable, there’s no doubt about that. However, your vulnerability is what garners true love and respectability.

It reminds everyone that we’re all human.

We all experience these fears together and there’s something so deeply humbling about exposing that side of ourselves. As I mentioned before, the amount of self-doubt I’ve experienced in the process of putting my work out there has been the mentor I never knew I so deeply needed.

We’re warriors who show up for battle every single day. Resistance is both our enemy and our mentor. I hope my readers can find an ounce of inspiration in what I’m attempting to communicate through my work and I hope you join me through the challenging yet exciting journey ahead.